S1-018 Have A Little Priest
Have A Little Priest is the eighteenth episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. In order to help fellow prisoners escape, the queens must face the Kracken Priest. Synopsis The queens and their fellow prisoners are in the lair of the Kracken Priest. Their friend Gnomi Malone is chained to the wall, partially transformed into a seaspawn A large altar to the Kracken nearby holds a giant clam shell. Gnomi spots Fraya and Ellen near the altar and freaks out. Arson approaches him and he warns that it is booby trapped, the Kracken Priest does something to the top of the altar whenever he uses it. She thanks him, but asks him what happened to him. Gnomi says he was captured and forced to research how to get into the tomb on the center island of the archipelago. The Priest turned his arm into a lobster claw and threatened to fully turn him into a seaspawn if Gnomi doesn't find a way into the temple. He assumes the temple holds the same treasure they all came to find, and that it is his boss the Kracken who wants it. The only thing he knows is they need the Ice Scepter, which he last saw lost at sea with Father Andson. Arson explains their group's theory that destroying the altar might slow down the seaspawn creation. Gnomi agrees, as that is where the Priest turns people into spawn. He was put on the altar, a ritual was done on him, and he was given his claw. Patrick joins in the discussion and confirms what he knows. Fraya investigates the altar and sees a bunch of animal runes on the top. Butylene recognizes that three are fish and three are not. Harlotte finds an inscription on the base that says "password hint: no fish", and goes to pick Gnomi's chains while the others debate which animals are or aren't fish. Gnomi tells them the Priest is asleep in the clam shell and to be quiet. Fraya touches the dolphin, which lights up blue. She touches the starfish and it lights up too. Everyone watches anxiously as she touches the octopus, and it glows blue. Then there is a chime as blue light washes over the chamber, the wards gone. Ellen advises they have a plan for dealing with the Kracken Priest who will be pissed, before they destroy the altar. The group looks for an alternate way to leave, so they can escape quickly if needed. Butylene, Harlotte, and Patrick look for a door near the idol on Patrick's suggestion. They find weapons in the treasure pile that are better than what they found in the loot room, and there is a tunnel leaving upward. Patrick offers to explore the tunnel and departs. The queens regather to discuss means of destroying the altar, with the intention to have the others flee before they start the attempt. Butylene knows she has bombs, but plans to prepare some blow darts with some of her poisons like Kucci's hideous laughter. Harlotte suggests she can use sleep on the priest. Patrick pokes his head in, declaring this will take them to the surface. They decide to send the peasants, err, non-combatants, up. They suggest Gnomi bring the book with them, and to make sure Patrick gets the book if anything happens. Jim-Jim says he wants to stay and assist, despite them trying to convince him to get to safety by telling him his mentor, Sir Throbardon, had been rescued and was out there somewhere. Looking through the offerings, Fraya finds a trident of fish command she adds to her inventory. Excited by her friend's find, Arson digs into the pile and finds a tentacle baton. The expert thief, Harlotte, finds a cloak of the manta ray, wrapped up in it she finds a spice pouch. Butylene consults Gnomi to see if there are any alchemy books, or any other helpful books. They are all written in old Draglish, and finds some with alchemical formulas Gnomi offers to help her translate later. Butylene also finds some castanets of illusion. But all that digging, causes the pile to slide, making noise. The clam shell begins to move. Ellen asks Fraya to help her prepare a magical barrier over the pool of water to prevent seaspawn from coming in. The two clerics invoke their deities, David Bowie and Cher, and a shimmering barrier appears. Arson webs the clam. Immediately the eldritch song in the air grows louder and the runes on the shell turn red. Jim-Jim draws his sword and stands near it in preparation. He asks them "when do we go?" The group hurries into positions, Butlyene arming herself with bombs, Fraya preparing destructive wrath, Arson preparing eldritch blast, and Harlotte readying her focus to cast sleep on the priest. Ellen calls her spiritual weapon, three crystal balls. Arson narrows her eyes and launches her spell, but it ricochets off the altar and something in the shell begins to stir. The lips of the shell begin to leak out some tentacles which try to snap the webbing strands. Harlotte's sleep spell shimmers in the air between the lids of the shell, but the thing inside seems to still be moving. Arson blasts the altar again, narrowing her eyes further. It explodes, splitting into two halves. From inside the shell comes a scream. Arson sends Samantha's Curse onto the creature in the shell. Fraya changes her plan and casts thunder wave with destructive wrath on the shell. The shell shatters. Inside, the Kracken Priest stands, still encased in webbing, ten feet tall. His face is a mass of writhing tentacles. His clothes rags of strips of seaweed. Barnacles crust him and water and slime drip from him. Gnomi looks around, stutters, and dashes up the tunnel, leaving a gnome shaped cloud of dust. Harlotte suggests they do the same since they hurt his ability to create seaspawn for a long time. Before they can decide, Jim-Jim slices his sword at the priest. Invigorated, he crits his next attack. Two attacks in and the priest is bloody, oozing sea water, and screaming. Arson thinks they should try to finish this. The Kracken Priests drops down through the air towards Jim-Jim, wrapping his arms around the half elf. It casts shocking grasp, with a nat20, to the group's horror. He is singed and shaking, but Jim-Jim is alive for now. Ellen invokes bless on all party members but her, before bonking her spiritual weapon on the priest, who looks over his shoulder to snarl at the Glamazon. She hides behind the idol. Butylene grins with joy and draws the blow gun and darts from her pocket, and coats one with crown of madness venom. It impales him in the neck. A crown appears above his head and a wild look in his eyes. Harlotte sneak attacks with short sword and rapier. Arson runs over to the priest, summoning her pact-vibrator, and forcibly presses it against the priest, shouting "Buzz, buzz, motherfucker." In spite, she hexes the priest. Fraya tries to command him with her new trident, but he resists. In the dark water of the lagoon, seaspawn press against the barrier, but cannot get through. They can also hear Gnomi muttering far, far up the tunnel. Jim-Jim resolute, looks up at his foe and attacks with his sword, plunging his sword into his chest. The priest is ready to attack, but Butylene's crown of madness makes him drop Jim-Jim and attack a random starfish near the pool with a bolt of lightning. disintegrating the creature. He shakes off the crown. Ellen peaks her head out around the idol and casts guiding bolt, but it fizzles. So she moves her spiritual weapon, which drops the priest to one knee when it hits. Butylene thrusts her spear into his chest, with a nat20. It slides straight through his body, the priest's body collapsing into a pile of writhing creatures that melt into an ooze. His heart is impaled on the spear. Butylene sniffs it and can tell it has power. At the pool, seaspawn are throwing themselves at the barrier. Harlotte grabs some treasure from the pile and stuffs her pocket and Fraya stuffs a few gems in her bra as they rush through the exit. Gnomi is way up above. Jim-Jim catches up and helps him to the surface. Eventually they pass the heated rocks and feel the cool breeze of the world above. Cole reaches out from above after Gnomi climbs out, and pulls Harlotte out. Arson and Fraya come next, followed by Butylene. They are on a beach. A couple hundred yards away is a medieval castle partially in ruins, lies between them and the water. Cole gives everyone a big hug. Patrick stares at the heart on the spear, intrigued. It still beats and thumps. Before they answer their fellow escapees's questions, Butylene nonchalantly tosses a bomb down the hole. The group celebrates, Jim-Jim beaming with pride. Ellen looks up and a dark shape flies overhead. A voice calls out. It's Karin, being carried by Throbardon. As they land, Jim-Jim and Throbardon run to embrace each other, reuninted at last. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - dryder warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue NPCs * Ellen * Jim-Jim * Patrick * Cole * Other Prisoners * Gnomi Malone * Karin * Sir Throbardon Monsters/Enemies * Kracken Priest * Seaspawn Episode Notes Lore * A Kracken Priest's altar allows them to channel the power of the Kracken, and through a ritual can transform beings placed on the altar into seaspawn. Destroying the altar weakens the priest. Memorable Quotes * "I have been on a fitness journey. These are my results after eight weeks. The before and after is very striking, but I am hoping that will translate into over one thousand instagram likes." - Arson Nicki * "So apparently you live in the Hamptons and your name is drunk Ina Garten." - Harlotte O'Scara * "This is the best tentacle porn that could ever be made." - Arson Nicki * "Hold me closer spectral dancer." - Arson Nicki * "I'm going to jump, spin, and twirl over the idol." - "The idol is 20 feet tall." - Fraya Love and DM Matt * "You got any wise-Krackens now?" - Butylene O'Kipple * "The priest is squishy." - DM Matt * "I stand corrected: Queers for Spears." - Harlotte O'Scara References * Instagram * Aladdin - "Diamond in the Rough" * Tammy Brown * iPhones * Windows 95 * Care Bear Stare * Barefoot Contessa - Ina Garten * Deep Blue Sea * Sephora * Samantha - Sex and the City * Sailor Moon * Voldemort * Mars Attacks * Zoidberg - Futurama * Jason Priestly * Pokemon - Staryu Name That Tune * "Tiny Dancer" - Elton John * "Have a Little Priest" - Sweeney Todd * "Suffragette City" - David Bowie * Final Fantasy battle ending music Behind the Queens *It is unclear if the tentacle baton Arson found and the castanets of illusion Butylene found in the Kracken Priest's loot pile was the same ones the party acquired in the Nexus of She'Bae in the episode of the same name, that was lost in the shipwreck. It could be, since they discovered many of their old possessions in a different loot pile in the previous episode. *Once again New York drag artist Gilda Rabbit provided her voice for the eldritch song in the Kracken Priest's lair. *DM Matt announces this is the last regular episode for Harlotte this season. Her exit will be explained in-game in the next episode. Category:Episodes Category:Season One